Unmarried with Children by Brette McWhorter Sember

Author:Brette McWhorter Sember
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
Published: 2008-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

Dealing with Parenting Conflicts

You and your partner will not always see eye to eye about how you want to raise your child or run your household(s). You may wish to set up some basic rules of play that will help guide your parenting relationship. Some parents find it helpful to write down these rules, while others find that just discussing them is enough. These rules or guidelines can include things such as agreeing not to make major decisions without discussing them with the other parent, agreeing to make medical decisions together, agreeing that whichever parent is present will handle emergency decisions, and so on.

Sample Basic Parenting/Household Rules

We will consult each other before making major decisions about our child.

We will try not to argue in front of our child.

We agree to equally share the child’s laundry responsibilities and will alternate weeks.

We both believe it is reasonable for our child to sleep in the parent’s bed at night when necessary.

We do not believe in physical discipline.

We will try not to judge or belittle the other person’s parenting skills and decisions.

We intend to raise our child as a vegetarian but are willing to make exceptions to this rule when necessary.

We will try to allow each other some individual child-free time each week, but will be flexible about it.

We will each try to cut back on our outings with friends so we can have more time together as a family.

Susan would like to buy a house as a couple. Lee agrees that if we can save at least $10,000 for a down payment by next year, we will look for a house.

Once a month we will balance our bank accounts and settle our accounts with each other.

Chris will pay all grocery bills and Tim will pay all other household expenses as long as Chris is working part-time, which both agree is for the benefit of their child.

Working out Disputes

Even if you have some rules to follow to help you organize and plan out your relationship, you’re going to have conflicts—every couple does. You may have conflicts about parenting or about things completely unrelated to parenting. The responsibility of parenting together can also strain other parts of your relationship that seem unrelated.

The best way to work out problems is to try to do so out of earshot of your child. All parents have disagreements, and it’s okay for kids to know this (in fact, it’s good for them to understand that two people who love each other can disagree, make up, and still love each other), but you don’t want to work out all the details of your relationship in front of your child if you can avoid it. It is also best to try to keep conversations about money separate from your child. Children who overhear discussions or arguments about money can often feel guilty, believing that they are the source of the problem.

Getting angry can be unavoidable, but most of the time it won’t help you solve your problems. It can be useful

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